Still Waking

Contributed by Rosetta Cason

And death has changed me...It came like a giant unrelenting wave, crashing through my being. All at once, who I was, vanished. I wept and wept, and I went to look for her.

I, me, she...was gone... That cutting taste of death has yet to leave me. In fairies and dragons, in glitter and lace, in kisses and moonlight, death still has stolen my whimsy. In the sweetest highs, and prettiest valleys, in the longest hugs and tastiest treats, death has stolen my delight. I still
weep for the sweet ignorance I once frolicked in. My blind mind could conquer all things.

Oh death, you brutal beast, you churning, bottomless pit… My ears hear death’s hollow ticking clock, just beneath my own jubilant laughter. The damage death has done is permanent. My eyes see death’s cruel magic trick. Now it’s here, and now it’s not, in every face that greets me with a smile. The damage death had done was pervasive.

Life matters, oh yes, and I wake, I walk, I participate, I talk. But death... Death left behind a blazing fire. All my timber, all I had ever mustered is still smoldering. I am still only just soot and ash. I am only just now waking from death’s loud destruction.