Contributed by Jason Goldsmith
I feel like I’m living with a roommate instead of a spouse. I don’t feel like my spouse values me. I feel myself drifting farther and farther apart from my spouse. There’s just no intimacy in our home. Many out there have had difficult times in their relationship and remain together, and many out there ended things rather than continue what felt like a nightmare.
Marriage is statistically proven to show an increase in the quality and stability of our lives. At least, when the relationship is working. It may be interesting for us to hear that the divorce rate in the US has been falling continuously over the last decade. This may be because marriage rates are also down. What works to maintain a healthy marriage and what doesn’t? Let’s begin by sharing some of the worst ideas used to save a marriage.
One of the more common ideas is having a baby with the idea it will solidify some urge in one of us to become a family and thus increase the love for each other. The unfortunate truth in this decision is that children require a lot of work and will likely place more pressure on an already strained boiler. The resulting explosion will likely just be delayed.
Another poor choice is staying together for the sake of the children, which is often connected to the previous idea. Children get their relationship education from us. Imagine watching from the perspective of the children. Watching a deteriorating coupling of two people who do not want to be together tells us this is love and something we must strive to achieve. What behaviors will our children be likely to emulate with their partners after that?
A common idea in our current social climate is the “free pass” or introduction of the so-called sexual liberation. Introducing extramarital partners is a wildly dangerous gamble at best. This is not to say that these ideas will fail outright. However, marriage is built upon trust. The introduction of others will likely breed mistrust and resentment in the most dedicated of couples.
It's important for us to remember that saving a marriage will often require effort from both partners in ways that we will likely find very uncomfortable, and there are never any guarantees. The most successful and long-lasting solutions require true communication and a willingness to show vulnerability to one another. The hardest step in saving the marriage is getting past waiting for the other person to give ground. One of us must make the first move in repairing the damage, strong and unafraid.
For more relationship tips and warning signs, feel free to contact us. Here at HOW, we would like to make ourselves available to you in answering some of your questions and concerns. Please contact us, and we will reply in the next edition, or directly, while keeping you anonymous. We look forward to hearing from you.