Contributed by Anonymous
I got a call earlier this morning on my work phone. I get weird calls on that phone all the time. The number popped up as someone from Jamaica. I thought, “Hey. I like Jamaica. Let’s see what this person has to say.”
Someone called the other day. That call was also from a Jamaican number. A guy named David said he mailed me a letter from Publishers Clearing House. He asked me if I got it. I told him, “Yes I did.” I thanked him profusely. Then I said, “Please send me the money that I won to that same address. Thanks a MILLION!” and I hung up. I needed to jump on a call, or perhaps David and I would have had a longer, more cordial conversation.
Today’s call happened to be a guy named David too! He also said he was with Publisher’s Clearing House. What a coincidence! I didn’t mention that to “today’s David” though. I just thought, “Ok. I have a couple minutes. I’m gonna make this fun for me.”
So…
I really wanted to make sure I was talking to someone I could trust so I asked David if he was with the guy, the main guy, the real guy, the big guy, the one and only guy, the Publisher’s Clearing House guy, Ed McMahon.
To my delight, David said, “Yes.” So I asked him, “Do you really know him?” He said that he did! I was so happy to hear that he actually KNEW Ed McMahon and I told him so, about a dozen or so times, all fan-girling over Ed McMahon. So, just because I’m inquisitive, I thought we should talk a bit more about his good friend Ed. I asked David, “Well, how is Ed McMahon doing these days?” David said that Ed was doing very well. I was a little taken aback by his answer, so I asked him to clarify. I said, “HE IS? Ed McMahon is OK?”
A couple times I asked David to assure me that Ed McMahon was doing well, because I was worried about him. A number of times, David told me that Ed was just fine. I said that I didn’t think David was being honest about Ed McMahon’s health, and I told him so. I let him know that to me, Ed hadn’t looked very good lately.
David tried to talk over me a couple times, but you know, I was more worried about Ed McMahon’s well-being than any amount of money David was going to give to me.
I again asked David a few more times to confirm that he was REALLY with Publisher’s Clearing House. David insisted each time that he was. Then I felt compelled to switch back to the topic of his buddy Ed and asked David if knew how old Ed McMahon was now. Without hesitation, David said that Ed McMahon is 54 years old. I questioned that a bit, but David said he was Ed’s friend, and he knew this stuff, so I stopped talking about Ed’s age. I did ask what day was Ed’s birthday, because I really wanted to know that. David didn’t answer my important question about Ed’s birthday, and was kinda rude, and even changed the subject. David asked me if I wanted the 3.5 million delivered to my house. I said, “But what if I’m not home??
I felt he needed to be informed that I DO have a life and that sometimes I might go somewhere for a bit, or maybe even for a little bit longer than a little bit, or maybe I am even at home, but I don’t hear the doorbell. I asked again, “What will you do if I’m not here when you come with Ed to visit me?” He said they would just show up when I was home and he’d be here with the FBI, the IRS and get this, the Better Business Bureau, which of course increased my trust in his word. I asked, “Is Ed gonna be here too? Please tell me that Ed is coming with you, because he needs to be with you when you come to my house.”
At that point he sounded a little angry and raised his voice saying, “Look Mama. I am trying to give you some money.” I asked him NOT to call me Mama.
That’s when he decided to hang up.
Yeah. I think David’s good friend Ed McMahon died over 10 years ago.
After David hung up on me, I’m just left wondering how long it will take Jamaican David, the ghost of Ed McMahon, and those other really important people to get to my front porch with the balloons and all that money.