Contributed by Huhnkie Lee
A good ole friend of mine once told me,
“You gotta pick a battle. Fight a good fight but pick and choose the one you can win.”
That friend of mine told me, because he knew this thing about me: a quixotic one, a man who always defies. A maniac, a raving lunatic. A man, an unknown Alaskan backcountry man, who is running against the Almighty President Donald J. Trump, the Republican God that every American Christians are worshiping as if he, this fat obese man who never once exercises in his life, a fat cat man.
So. Republicans... That's your God, right? You bow down to President Trump, correct? Because what? Because President Trump pretends to be a Christian? Because he what, pretends to oppose abortion, right? You Christians, you conservatives, you Republicans. Shame on you. I think you are as stupid as Democrats. There, I said it.
See, I always fight a battle that I can't possibly win – and that's what I love about America. The Constitution. The freedom. The liberty. The first Amendment. The freedom of speech, thought, ideas, politics and religion. Ladies and gentlemen, we are Americans. And here, we are Alaskans too. We are the cream of the crop, ladies and gentlemen.
WE, the Alaskans, are the last Americans.
Now… That was appetizer stuff. Now, the entree. Ok?
We, Americans, are fat. Obese. We can't run. We can't squat. What a shame.
What happened to us, the U.S.?
…
It's like this.
For the past couple of centuries, Europe and America, they led this industrial revolution. Alvin Toffler called it, the second wave. Technological ease. The western mechanization. Machines. They do all the work for us, humans. So, we sit. Idle.
We sit at home. We sit in our cars. We sit in our offices. The only time we walk? Between our houses and cars, between our cars and offices. Otherwise, we sit.
Then there was this agricultural revolution. We got a lot of food. No more world hunger. Everyone gets fed with dirt cheap sugar and fat.
Bottom line? We move less, we eat more. We get fat. Obese.
What's the nation's president doing? He's eating pizza. Two scoops of ice cream. That's your conservative hero, your Republican idol, your Christian God, Mr. Donald J. Trump. Ok? Shame on you, America.
…
Well, I voted for him too. I even prayed for him. Back in 2016. I even almost cried when he got elected.
…
He's not too bad. Ok? He's just too old. He can't lead the nation like I can. That's why I'm running for president in 2020.
…
Back in the days in earth history, or even nowadays. Wild animals. The food is scarce out there in the wild. That's why no animals are obese. Even wild pigs, the hogs, they are very lean. Because they always run.
You Americans, what, you take your dogs outside, for a dog walk? Huh? You let your dogs do all the exercise for you. What a shame.
You Alaskans. You ride what, snow machines? Yachts? Jets? Hmm… You never run. You let your pets and machines run for you. Hmm? What a shame.
If you are a man, why do you have to look like a pregnant woman? Hmm? You know what I'm talking about. You’ve got a pot belly. Just like your God, the President Trump, who said,
“Oh. Exercise. What a waste of time. I'd rather make another dollar. I'd rather chase that skirt, rather.”
Huh? That's your God, your so-called conservative hero, alas – sad, disappointing. I'm sad.
And you're gonna vote for him again? Hmm? When I'm running against him in 2020, you're gonna vote for him? Hmm? It's up to you. I'll respect your vote, no matter what. I'll respect your right, your freedom, your error, your stupidity, your cowardice, your pusillanimousness, whatever.
...
So yeah. Back to science. No politics or religion or morality or ethics. Just science, biology. Ok?
Animals and plants, out there in the wild, the food is scarce. So, they eat something, and their guts, intestines, they absorb all the calories they can. Energy comes in to an animal, energy does not go out.
No matter how fat you are, your large intestine will always absorb all the energy it can. Your gut will never say to you,
“Oh, I'm fat. I’ve got enough energy in my body. So, I refuse to intake any more energy. I'll poo and pee out this extra energy I don't need. Bye.”
That's not how our body works.
…
Out there in the wild nature, food is scarce. So, animals and plants have evolved for millions of years to store any extra energy that comes in. As a rainy-day fund, so to speak.
…
Now, we Homo Sapiens, our ancestors developed machines. So, we move less, we eat more. We get obese.
We stink. We can't move around, because we are too heavy.
When we fall, we can't get up. We break bones, because we are too heavy.
Exercise, Diet.
Peace.
