Contributed by Brenna Nikalee Rath
Recently, I asked some Alaska’s most controversial “murderers” about their abortion experiences. The following are paraphrased, snippets of a few of their responses.
“I did it because I got pregnant again when my youngest of four was 9 months old and I couldn’t handle another kid. I feel bad about it every single day.”
“I had an abortion at 20 partly because it was a stipulation from my parents to live in their house to get out of the abusive relationship I was in, and partly because I was 20 and he was an abuser. I didn't want to have any part of him.”
“I had an abortion when I was 16. My boyfriend was 22. My parents were in the middle of a divorce, and I didn't know I had options. My dad paid for it. It was done early. Life moved on. I don't regret that decision, but I grieve for the whole situation and the life lost still to this day. Fast forward five years, I was assaulted in the Army and found out I was pregnant. It’s something I understand. I couldn’t ever do it again, but that’s not my place to choose for someone else.”
“I just had an abortion last week. Right now, another child just isn't feasible. The father [is] a great guy. I couldn't put a baby on his lap. A baby would completely destroy his current, huge career opportunity. I couldn't handle another pregnancy, birth and child solo. My mental well-being is already strained, physically it was unwise to continue a pregnancy and financially, I wouldn't be able to support the three I have and another. I was on Mirena (kinda fool-proof) and just not in a spot to have another child. I'm lucky that I got to make the choice for myself, and hopefully will get to have another baby when the timing is right.”
“I was 17. My mom was in jail and I️ had been couch-hopping for years. The guy who impregnated me was a friend and in jail. I️ wanted to break the cycle. Over a decade later, and still the single best decision I️ have ever made.”
“I was not in a place emotionally for a pregnancy. I had no health insurance, a shaky marriage, and felt overwhelmed with two small children and two jobs.”
“I was not in a stable or secure relationship or place in my life. I didn’t know if I wanted to be tied to him or if I could take care of a pregnant self and then a child. I was 18. While I see things differently in my maturity now, I have not regretted or hated myself for the decision.”
“I was 17. I was bipolar, unmedicated and believed I was infertile. I moved out the day I told my family I was pregnant. My relationship dissolved. My OBGYN was horrible, constantly terrifying and bullying me. I didn’t know what self-advocacy was. I became suicidal. Medications weren’t an option. My mom bought tickets for me and a friend to fly out of state for the procedure. The first friend I asked wouldn’t go because she was pro-life. The next friend I asked said one of the most profound things anyone has ever said to me, ‘You know I’m pro-life. I don’t agree with your choice, but this is going to be hellish, and I’m not going to let you go through this hell alone.’”
“I think I'm better for it. The greatest thing I gained was compassion. I was a hardcore ruthless pro-lifer before, from an uber-Christian upbringing. Silly girl, what did I know in my ivory tower of self-righteousness? Not a damn thing. Took a “shitty” boy and a trip from karma... and I would never take it back. I learned how to be human with kindness, and that's my greatest reward.”
None of these women “wanted” abortions. They wanted life for themselves and children already present. They lacked sexual reproduction education, access to birth control, and support - financial, physical and mental health, familial, social, practical, non-judgmental support and access to continuing education or career stability.
Sisters, you are not murders. Your conviction that it was the right choice, your regret and grief aren't mutually exclusive.
"I do not believe that just because you're opposed to abortion, that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born, but not a child fed, not a child educated, not a child housed. And why would I think that you don't? Because you don't want any tax money to go there. That's not pro-life. That's pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of pro-life is.” - Sister Joan Chittister