TUTKA’s CHRISTMAS PRESENCE
Contributed by Randi Perlman
[Prologue: This past November, after an injury to my knee as a 13-year-old, I finally had knee replacement surgery. Three days earlier, one of my 13+-year-old dogs had to be put down. Anybody who’s lost a beloved animal friend/member of the family knows how hard that is, and I worried about how it would affect his twin brother after spending every day of their lives together…]
Something woke me up. I squinted at the clock. It was 5am Christmas morning. An aching throb in my recently replaced knee was the culprit. It was over an hour until my next scheduled dose of pain meds, but lying still in the darkness, I knew it would take another hour beyond that before they kicked in; I had to act sooner.
I sat up, stretched, and fumbled around my nightstand for the small white 5mg Oxycodone tablet, prescribed for temporary use by my surgeon for serious pain post-surgery. After a brief stroll to the bathroom, I remained seated on the bed’s edge, hoping to coax the tiny but potent Oxy down my throat and all the way to my knee, quickly.
Finally, I sank back on the pillows and drifted off into a narcotic-induced slumber. I felt a presence in the room and reached out my hand. It encountered a soft, warm head with a prominent knob on the top – Tutka was there, right next to the bed! I felt so happy and continued to pet and rub his noble head and sleek body. When he made his way down the hallway I followed him into the living room, and there he was on his dog bed, right next to brother Sage on his bed. I was so overjoyed and excited I started yelling, “Steve, Steve, Tutka’s back, can you see him?, he came back!”.
Then Steve was at the foot of the bed, rousing me gently and asking if I was alright. I was so confused; Where was I? Where was Tutka? Steve told me I had been moaning and yelling in my sleep, which had woken him up. My whole body was shaking, the room was spinning, and my mind refused to awaken.
I remained in place for quite a long time, sobbing and asking myself what had just happened. It was so real, so SURREAL, so earth shattering and yet so calming. I tried to make sense of the entire experience, and to wonder why my brain had played such a cruel trick on me. I’d woken up to remembered dreams before, but never accompanied by such a powerful life force. I FELT his warm head with the knob on top, and his soft, smooth coat. I KNEW he was there.
It was then I recalled talking to him about a week or so earlier, telling him how much I missed him and hoping that he was OK, asking for some kind of sign that would reassure me. Because of my knee surgery (combined with wild weather events), I had done no holiday shopping of any kind and had not even left my house for several weeks. I viewed healing from surgery as the best gift possible.
Now I know that Tutka’s visit was the MOST PERFECT PRESENCE I could have asked for or received. It still hurts my heart to know that he’s gone, but our spiritual connection will bind us forever, and I am so grateful he reached out to tell me that. May he rest, play, and love, in peace.
[Epilogue: As I continue to heal from my surgery, Steve and I are showering Sage with as much love and attention as possible. Along with extra helpings of his favorite treats, he (along with both of us) is slowly adjusting to life without his brother. We all feel comforted and relieved to know that Tutka is doing well, and keeping in touch…]