Contributed by Jason Goldsmith
Co-parenting is a term used for those former couples, having been married or not, living in separate homes who are both present in the lives of the children they share. It is important to remember that co-parenting is about the children’s development into healthy functional human beings and it depends heavily on three key components in order to remain a stable and positive system.
Our relationship with ourselves is the first of these and can often times be the most difficult to manage because, let’s be honest, we usually see ourselves in the best light possible. The truth is, we are all flawed and must seek to improve ourselves and guard against visiting our pain and anger upon our children. It is important to acknowledge and assess the painful emotions we are feeling and how they impact our daily life. Our children will often emulate us and if we are trapped by our emotions, our children will emulate that pain and anger. Blaming the other parent and not practicing forgiveness will only serve to confuse and damage our children. We played a role in the relationship ending and need to rise above our differences to offer a positive and secure framework for our children to build upon.
Our relationship with the co-parent is the second part of this equation and can be a great source of support or condemnation. We have all had relatives, co-workers or friends we did not get along with at some point and despite negative feelings, we worked together at to get tasks accomplished. Showing your ‘EX’ courtesy and respect will aid you in gaining these things from your children. Keeping your feelings under control and concentrating on the shared goal of creating successful children is what we are after here. Maintain a more professional and business-like attitude in your communication. Getting even with your ‘EX’ should not be a hand-me-down for your children to wear like a leash around their neck. It will suffocate them.
Your relationship with your children is the third and likely most important part of co-parenting. Removing all aspects of ourselves and our ‘EX’ disagreements will give our children the best opportunity to be mentally stable. Our children are not messengers. Speak to the co-parent directly. The transition and conditions within the homes should remain as consistent and fair as possible. If you are experiencing difficulties in co-parenting or parenting in general, please don’t hesitate to contact us. Healthy boundaries for relationships can be difficult to develop and maintain and we are here to help.
Here at HOW we would like to make ourselves available to you in answering some of your questions and concerns. Please contact us and we will reply in the next edition, or directly, while keeping you anonymous. We look forward to hearing from you.